Falling Again
by linds-bou
Summary: It's been 15 years since Beca and Jesse were married. Time's have changed since then. New jobs, children, and the day to day challenges of life have taken their toll. Life is no longer the same. When they wake up and realize they're no longer in love, is it too late? Will they be able to fall in love again? Rated M for mature themes.


**A/N: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading! If you're here after reading A Similar Sound, thanks for keeping reading! Just wanted to let everyone know that this may be a slower story than A Similar Sound. I am in school and writing and my ability to get chapters out will depend on my school schedule. I am going to try hard to do one a week but it may be more like every two weeks. As a result, I'll try to make the chapter's bulky. Hope you all enjoy!**

Beca Swanson woke up the morning of her fortieth birthday to the bland sound of her alarm clock. The bed was empty. Something she had become accustomed too over the last few years. It was also particularly quiet that morning. She rolled over and looked at her phone. A few texts from friends and relatives wishing her a happy birthday; she wrote generic thank you's and sent them back. A voicemail from her mother was also there; she would listen to that later after her shower.

Throwing the blankets off of her body, her feet hit the cold hardwood and a shiver went through her spine. Beca stood up and stretched, letting out a loud yawn as she did so. As she shuffled to the bathroom that connected to her bedroom, she ran her hand threw her hair. She turned the shower on and set it to water that would pretty much scald her. It was January 15th and there had been a particularly awful cold spell that was running its course through Los Angeles. As the water heated up, she walked back into the bedroom and opened her closet. Sighing, she pulled out a pair of black dress pants and a cream colored shirt. It was bland but she had a meeting today with the board of directors and needed to be taken seriously.

Beca made her way back into the bathroom and stripped her pajamas off. The laundry bin near the door was almost full as she threw them on top of the pile. She made a mental note to do laundry that night when she got home. How exciting. As she stepped into the shower, the water felt nice. She ran her hands through her hair and over her face. The shampoo bottle was nearly empty and it took a forceful squeeze to get any into her hands. She lathered soap and washed her body. Then, she stood under the water for a few moments thinking about life. It was her fortieth birthday today… that was unreal. She turned the dial and the water ceased. Beca stepped onto the fluffy bathmat and grabbed her towel. Running the towel up and down her skin, she slowly dried off and stood in front of the mirror. Not much had changed since college but at the same time so much had. Her breasts drooped a bit more, her stomach was stretched a bit, and her face had a few more defined lines. Beca sighed and twisted her hair into a bundle on the top of her head and wrapped it in a towel.

Opening the drawer to her vanity, she pulled out her makeup bag. A bit of foundation, her signature dark eyeliner, and some highlight were applied. Beca pulled on a pair of silk underwear and latched the matching bra around her torso. She slipped the black pants on over her hips and pulled the cream colored top over her head. As she finally left the room, she grabbed a pair of black socks that she put on her feet as she walked down the hallway. Beca peered into the bedrooms as she passed and noticed unmade beds and messy rooms. She made a mental note to worry about that when she got home later.

Her feet padded quietly down the carpeted stairs and she made her way into the kitchen. As she turned the corner, her dog and the smell of pancakes, one of her favorite breakfast foods, greeted her. Beca smiled softly and bent down to pet the golden retriever.

"Hi Minnie. What's going on in there?" Beca said quietly. The dog let out a soft bark and Beca stood up and walked into the kitchen.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Her three children yelled.

Beca smiled, "Wow! Thank you guys so much!"

"We made you pancakes!" Her daughter smiled.

"That is so thoughtful. Thank you."

"Dad helped us a little bit." Her oldest son told her.

Beca nodded, "I can see that. Thank you, Jesse."

He smiled at her, "You're welcome… I'm gonna head upstairs to shower. You guys enjoy breakfast with mom. Happy birthday Beca."

Beca softly smiled as he left the kitchen, "Let's eat mom!" Her youngest son smiled.

"Yes. Let's eat."

The past fifteen years had been a blur to Beca. After college, she and Jesse had moved out to Los Angeles together. He got a job assisting with scoring low budget movies. She got a job as a DJ at a local radio station. They struggled together. It was fun. Work was hard, but they had one another. That was all that mattered back then. Jesse proposed to her about a year after they moved up here. It was cheesy and romantic and exactly what Beca always said she had hated. He took her on a picnic and did it underneath the Hollywood sign. She laughed and said yes and he slid a beautiful ring onto her finger. It was made of black and white diamonds and honestly was the perfect thing for Beca. Jesse was the only person in the world that could have ever made her want the "normal" life.

She planned a small intimate wedding on a vineyard in Napa Valley. The guest list was about thirty people and it was exactly what she wanted. He was happy making her happy. Life did not change much after that. Besides the fact that they both wore rings on their fingers, life was pretty much as it always had been. They loved it. Each day, they got up, made love, went to work, came home, made love, at dinner, made love, and fell asleep tangled in each other's arms. They saw their friends on the weekends and their parents on holidays. It was the ideal situation. Beca was promoted to studio manager and started working with a freelance company helping mix tracks. Jesse was hired by Paramount and started working on a team that helped score major movies. Things were looking up for them.

On Jesse's twenty-ninth birthday, after four years of marriage, Beca got really sick. This stuck around for a few more days. That night, Jesse brought Beca home three things from the drugstore: a can of chicken soup, Gatorade, and a pregnancy test. Beca was dead set against taking it. Babies were not something they had ever really put much thought into. She knew that Jesse wanted to have a kid, but she also knew she was nowhere near ready yet. Jesse had figured he was going to have to do some major convincing before they were ever in this situation. After some pleading, Beca took the test and they were shocked when they saw two little blue lines show up on the text. Jesse was full of glee and Beca was nervous. She had never thought she'd be a mom… but now she was going to have to. Jesse reassured her that she would love this kid more than anything else in the world. At the time, Beca had said that was not possible, she loved him in that way. But nine months later, she took back her words.

On a warm June morning, at 6:42 am, Beca and Jesse's entire world changed as they heard a scream erupt in their hospital room. Beca had never known what elation felt like until they placed that pink, slimy baby on her chest after she had pushed for twenty minutes. Caden Grey Swanson weight eight pounds, three ounces, and was twenty inches long. As they wrapped him up and handed him to his proud parents, Beca had never felt anything more right in the world. The love of her life and the love they had created by her side, she felt unstoppable.

Caden was a handful, but he was their handful. When he started walking, he took off running. Beca was happy to have him though. He'd come to the studio with her and run around while she worked. Then at night, she and Jesse would sit on the living room floor and play with him. On his first birthday, Jesse showed Beca a listing for a cute little house in a suburb right outside of the city. Beca was hesitant at first. But, she knew that their studio apartment was not going to work forever. A week later, they were signing the closing papers and she was moving boxes into her new bedroom.

Things were good. Caden grew, Jesse and Beca loved, and life was simply perfect. A few days after Caden's second birthday, Beca fell ill again and this time, she knew exactly what was happening. She came home that night and practically tackled Jesse as she showed him the positive pregnancy test. He was amazed at how excited she was this time and picked her up and swung her around. They spent nine months prepping Caden on how to be a big brother and searching for names. Jesse swore it was a girl, Beca thought it was another boy, and Caden thought they were getting a dog. On a rainy March evening, Beca's water broke in their kitchen and they rushed to the hospital. After three hours of labor and five minutes of pushing, the doctor called out that it was a boy. Beca smiled and told Jesse 'told ya so!' Beca held her second little boy and Jesse kissed her temple. Porter Reid Swanson was a whopping ten pounds, one ounce, and twenty-three inches long. He looked like a three-month-old the day he came out. Jesse brought his big brother over to meet him and they bonded quickly.

The two boys grew quickly in their cute house. Jesse and Beca felt the strain of two children on their marriage, but still made time for one another. Work was getting crazier as they both move dup the ladder, but they were happy. Caden started football and preschool and Porter was a handful at twenty months old. Beca felt like she was constantly running around. But, she always looked forward to the end of the day when they sat down at the kitchen table together. When she got sick again, close to Porter's second birthday, she almost died. A third baby seemed like it would be the death of them. But Jesse reassured her that this was just all apart of whatever plans the world had for them. She smiled as he calmed her down and thought maybe this time they would have a little girl.

Jesse knew the little three-bedroom house would not work anymore. Plus, with him as the lead score designer and Beca working with some of the top artists on the radio, their income was enough to move into one of those fancy elite Los Angeles neighborhoods. Beca carried light boxes and bags while Jesse and a few of their friends did all the heavy moving. Beca's girlfriends helped put clothes were it belonged and unpack when they moved houses close to Beca's due date. The second full night in their home, Beca woke up in pain and knew it was time to go to the hospital. This time though, the labor lasted a lot longer than with her boys. After almost forty-eight hours, she finally pushed out the little bugger. The doctor smiled as she handed her another slimy baby and proclaimed that it was a girl. Jesse kissed her sweetly and told her that this was it their family was complete. Sweet little Ellia Jay was their tiniest baby, weighing only six pounds, fourteen ounces, and sixteen inches long. She was a cute little tiny bundle of joy that her brothers were protective of immediately.

That is when Beca felt her marriage starting to slip. The pressure of having three little kids at home was tough. They were all under the age of five and a lot of nights one of them were tucked in between Jesse and Beca. The sex became less frequent and the small little moments of intimacy started to fade away. Beca would often go up to bed before Jesse and he would fall asleep in front of the television. Around Ellia's first birthday, Jesse got a promotion at work. It was great money, but he now had to travel one week every month. Beca found herself looking forward to the weeks when he was away. It was a break from the monotony that had become their marriage.

It had been six years since then. They were still married. There kids were ten, eight, and six. Jesse still traveled once a month and Beca went to bed alone even more often now. There had been one defining moment, about six months ago, when Beca had finally realized she was no longer in love with the man who had once made her heart flutter. For nearly fifteen years, every morning when they would wake up (as long as he was home), he would kiss her good morning and goodnight. Then, six months ago, it stopped. There was no warning and no discussion; it just stopped. She had barely even realized it herself until it had stopped for a week. She had cried the night she realized it. And now, it was just the normal.

* * *

Jesse had woken up around five in the morning. It was January 15th, a day that in the past, had been one of his favorites. Now, he yawned and turned over. The small frame of the woman lying next to him rose up and down in sleep. Jesse rubbed his eyes and pulled the blanket off him. His feet hit the cold hardwood floors of their bedroom and he shivered. Los Angeles had been experiencing a particularly cold week, something he was not too fond of. He made his way into the bathroom and pulled the toilet seat up. After he flushed, he washed his hands and made his way back into the bedroom. He pulled a sweatshirt over his bare torso and looked at his wife one last time. Her hair was covering her face. He smiled softly and made his way towards the door.

When he walked into the hallway, he noticed that the bedroom doors were opened already. Beds were unmade and toys spilled over into the hallway. He kicked the toys back into the rooms and made a mental note that they needed to be cleaned. He would deal with that when he got home from work later. Then he remembered, he would not be coming home from work tonight. It was his time to leave for a week. He sighed and made his way down the carpeted staircase. The dog was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. She was whining, which meant it was time to go outside. Jesse slid on a pair of slippers that were by the back doors and unlocked them. He walked onto the large deck and watched as his golden retriever ran out into the backyard. He watched as the wind blew the corner of the pool cover up. He made another mental note that he would have to fix that when he got home next week. As the dog came back onto the deck, Jesse bent down and scratched the top of her head.

Opening the door, the dog trotted back inside and went to lay down on the bed that was hers at the entrance to the living room. Jesse walked into the kitchen and opened the Keurig coffee maker. He searched for the box of hazelnut coffee pods in the cabinet above the pot. When he finally found one, he stuck it in and shut the lid, threw a mug underneath, and pressed the brew button. He stared out the window over the kitchen sink. It was sunny today… that was good. Maybe that meant it would not be quite as cold. The smell of coffee began to fill the air and Jesse broke his gaze. He walked over to the fridge and pulled out the half and half. The coffee mug was hot as he poured the liquid in and added a spoon of sugar.

Jesse sipped his coffee and heard the stirrings of little feet upstairs. He figured he had about thirty seconds before it was going to get loud in the kitchen. He savored his coffee for a moment and turned around to grab the stuff to make pancakes, figuring his children would ask to make their mother's favorite breakfast when they got down the stairs.

"Good morning daddy!" His daughter smiled as she came into the room, "Porter and Caden are coming now too. Can we make breakfast for mommy?"

"Sure thing sweetie." Jesse smiled.

"Pancakes!" Jesse's oldest son yelled as he came in.

Jesse put a finger against his mouth, "Shh. Let's not wake mom up. It is her birthday."

It was Beca's fortieth birthday today. Jesse thought back on the last fifteen years of marriage and twenty years that they had spent together. When he thought about it, it seemed it had gone by too quickly. After college, he and Beca moved out to LA and things had been perfect. He bought a ring soon after they got out here but waited another year to propose. He did it in the cheesiest way possible, just because he knew Beca would hate (but secretly love) it. Beca planned a small wedding on a vineyard and Jesse was happy she had agreed to be married at all. They had it all then. Their jobs were good and they were both working their way up the ladder.

Jesse wanted kids, but he knew better than to push Beca. But, when they found out she was pregnant he was elated. He told her she would be a great mom and she believed him and when Caden arrived, he knew he had been right. They were happy. She brought him to work and everyone loved him. When he turned one, Jesse found a house that he knew would be perfect for them. Beca was hesitant to give up their studio, but knew it was what was right for their family. When she found out she was pregnant again, it had proven to be the right choice. Nine months later, when Porter arrived (even though Jesse was convinced he would be a girl), he was surprised by how well Beca adjusted to motherhood. Things got trickier though. Having two children made them more tired and they had to really work at their marriage now. But, they loved each other, and it was always all worth it. Their jobs got harder, the kids got busy, but at the end of the day, as long as they were lying by one another it was okay.

When Beca found out she pregnant for a third time, the house they lived in proved to be too small again. Moving while she was nine months pregnant was probably not their best idea, but they made it work. Finally, after a long labor, they got the little girl they had been dreaming of and Ellia completed their family. But it was then when things got really hard. Three kids were tough. At first, they made it work well. They made time for one another and kept themselves intimate. It was not long though, before Jesse felt it slipping away. The little things stopped and the sex was scarce. It was in stark contrast to how they had been years ago. Then, when Jesse was promoted, travel came along with it. That was when he really saw the marriage suffer. Now, they barely had any time for one another.

Perhaps the most awful thing had come just a few months ago though. Since they had been married, every night before bed, Beca always put out a coffee pod for Jesse. She would usually leave a cute note underneath it and Jesse always looked forward to waking up to it every morning. But, it had stopped. He thought at first maybe she just forgot. Then, it had been a month, and then two months, and now nearly six. It broke his heart when he realized that this small little thing he took for granted was gone. Now, he realized his marriage was falling apart. And he had no clue how to fix it.


End file.
